Relapse
The hunger hurts
so I settle into it
Wearing it like armour
I'm afraid of your feelings,
the emotions that you wear
on the outside
Contained inside,
mine fester
like an infected wound
A starving comrade,
reminding me.
Growling with unspoken rage
Sighing,
I sink into the comforting abyss,
wrapping the emptiness around me
like the familiar arms of a soul mate
Angela Minard 2009©
16 comments:
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"wrapping the emptiness around me" is powerful and so painful. Take a breather, relax and take one step at a time.
a truly moving poem. how are you doing?
Who is your enemy? You were born to express yourself sexually, and you need to reclaim that. Your husband deserves intimacy and so do you. Retreating into your eating disorder instead of facing and working through the problem is wasting precious time you might not have.
Separate the violent act that happened to you as a child from having a normal, loving, sexual relationship with your husband. Keep yourself in the here and now.
so sorry things are moving in the wrong direction for you right now. Keep strong and keep fighting back
Hmmm...where does it say in this poem that I'm not intimate with my husband? We do have a normal, healthy relationship. I don't believe that we are BORN to express ourselves sexually. I was BORN to do much more than just have sex.
How can you have a normal, healthy relationship with anyone while emptiness is your soul mate?
Sometimes the familiarity of eating disordered behavior is comforting because it is all that I've known for so long as a way to control fearful emotions. Although at times I do push people away from me, without the love and support of my husband, I would most likely not be here anymore. My husband was the first person that I felt safe enough to tell about being raped as a child. He is my safety and my home. This poem was written to express how it feels to relapse in my eating disorder. When I'm stressed or under pressure, I tend to fall back into old patterns. It doesn't mean that I can't have a healthy relationship. It just means that some of my coping skills aren't healthy.
I visit this blog daily and have to say that I enjoy Angela's inspiring poetry and prose. She shares her life unconditionally with all of us and I see that as very brave.
I also want to say, and I am a very outspoken person that anyone who would leave comments and hide behind an anonymous presence is someone who's opinion should not even be considered. Comments such as these are not constructive at all.
Thanks Joanne:) I try to be open minded about everyone's comments, even the negative ones, because I hope that my explanations can help people to gain a better understanding of what I'm going through. I know that eating disorders can be difficult to understand.
Thanks for your kind explanation. Sorry I misinterpreted your poem. Probably projecting my own insecurities. Hope things get better for you.
A little encouragement in way of a blog award. You've been awarded the Best Blog Award! Please stop by my blog to retrieve your award. Congratulations!
Hugs
- CoconutPalmDesigns
More power to you. I hope you'll find what you seek. =)
Wow. That is one of the most moving things I've read in a very long time. I get what anonymous meant to say but I don't think it was very productively expressed. I commend you for interacting and explaining your point of view.
Praying that we all find "great" cooping mechanisms.
Blessings,
Kara
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