Always, I Rise

 

Artwork by~ Masaaki Sasomoto

At the height of my eating disorder, when I was entrenched in anorexic behaviors, I also held a full time job working with children with autism and other developmental disabilities. The only time it affected my work was when I took a leave of absence to go into treatment. I have missed work at times for mental health days, and I think that almost everyone at some time in their work history has done that. I would rather take a day for self care than to be sub par at my work. For many people struggling with mental health, routines are a huge part of maintaining normalcy and stability. These days of having extra time on my hands not teaching at the studio have thrown off my routine. I miss the structure, but have found myself feeling more creative, and exploring new ideas. I don’t often embrace change, but it may be time to take more chances, and move out of my comfort zone a bit. I’ve been working on publishing a few volumes of poetry, as well as a memoir, while also finishing up my 300 hr. yoga training. Teaching yoga is still deeply nourishing, and there is always so much to continue learning, which keeps me engaged. I wouldn’t wish having a mental illness on anyone, but working through the challenges and taking steps toward healing is an accomplishment I’m proud to continue. Sometimes I get discouraged, but when I look back on all I’ve been through, these 12 years of overcoming anorexia, and climbing my way through the muck of trauma has been but a drop in the bucket of my 55 years on earth. Even though I have no idea what the future holds, I continue to move forward, often stumbling, but always, I rise. 

Dream Your Dream 2016

I'm here to write, and I have no idea what will unfold. Sometimes when I come here, I have an idea in my mind, but not this evening. I think I want to actually write about writing. I have read many of my poems in the yoga classes that I teach, and someone usually approaches me after class either asking me if I have a book, or encouraging me to publish a book. It isn't quite that simple. I want to. I even have a somewhat finished manuscript of my poetry and observations, but I have never been brave enough to send it anywhere. Poetry books aren't in high demand in the publishing world. I'm thinking of self publishing, but it costs money that I don't feel like I can spend on something so frivolous.  I have had a few of my poems published either in book or magazine form, but it is certainly a shot in the dark to think someone would publish an entire book of my poems. I've always been one to dream big though, and when I want something badly enough, I go for it because that is the only way dreams become reality. My goal for 2016 is to move in the direction of publishing a book, either on my own, or sending my work out into the world. I will probably end up doing both of those things, and although it may not come to fruition this year, I'm moving in that direction. I have talked about it long enough, and there is no time like the present to begin manifesting that intention. I encourage you all to reach for your dreams this year. Life is too tremulous and uncertain not to send your dreams and desires out into the universe. Yesterday I wrote a post about contentment, and the truth is that I am always reaching for more. Dreams make me feel alive, and striving towards a goal keeps me engaged and motivated. I never want to lose that feeling because I wasted many years barely living my life. I gave up on my dreams, and I gave up on myself. I never want to go back to that desolate and empty existence. 

"Dream Your Dream, 2016!"

"Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. 

They are where they should be. 

Now put the foundations under them." 

~Henry David Thoreau 

Artwork~ "Into the Universe" by Tang Yau Hoong

I'm Published!

I'm so excited! The book that two of my poems are being published in is finally out, and I just received my copy in the mail. It is called You Are Not Alone. The Book Of Companionship For Women With Eating Disorders. It is a collection of personal recovery stories. I also just bought a copy of Writer's Market, which is a book on where and how to sell what you write. I'm really going to start focusing on getting more of my poetry, and hopefully a book of my poetry published. I'm not sure where to start, so that is why I bought the book to help me along. It has an extensive list of agents and publishers, so I'm going to start sending my work in, and see what happens.

Wish me luck:-)