“You may be afraid you will go crazy if you start opening up old wounds. But the truth is, the longer you put it off, the worse it will get. Dealing with sexual abuse is not a luxury; it is a necessity. And while the process of confronting and dealing with this issue is painful, it is less painful than ignoring it. Many victims of childhood sexual abuse have entirely repressed the horrifying memory of the abuse. But not remembering doesn’t protect you from being affected. Your symptoms may tell the story for you.” The Right to Innocence - Beverly Engel
The longer I kept my secrets, the crazier I felt, until I no longer could keep it inside. I let my body speak for me, falling into the anorexia, dissociating to escape the pain. Everyday I have to hold onto myself because slipping away was my childhood coping skill. There have been many time that I have wondered why I opened up the wounds, because doing so hurt so much. I've wanted to get away, and I've tried. I've wanted to die, but here I am, stronger than I've ever been. I hope if you are reading this and holding on to your secrets, you will let them go. We all deserve to live a life of freedom and truth.
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5 Comments:
Yes, yes and yes. It hurts so much more to not speak about it.
I hope you are feeling better since your post on CoH yesterday.
The Gentle Way (Judo)
To resist is to struggle.
Welcome pain like a Judo master.
Use pain’s own momentum
it’s balance to overcome.
Use the gentle way,
and by welcoming pain;
it will fall
Thank you, John. That is beautiful!
I knew, that to recover, not only did I have to eat, stay safe etc
But I had to face the abuse I had endured.
There is a misconception that therapy is a pleasure.
It is fucking hard work and not enough people appreciate just how hard it is.
You are being amazing <3
This is a wonderful post. I'm finding out the freedom that comes with letting go of your secrets. It's hard, it sucks but I can feel so worth it!!
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