Friday, August 24, 2007

Too Much

I want so much to recover from my eating disorder,
but I'm beginning to believe that I will never be able to.
I'm at my target weight, and I hate it.
It feels like too much.
I know that it sounds bad,
and I can only say it here,
but I miss the emptiness.
The feelings all feel like too much.
Everything is just too much.
At times, the fear and anger overwhelm me,
and my nightmares have just been terrifying.
I dream of the rape, and yes, now I can fight back.
I know that is good, but the violence I have inside
of me is shocking. The images are so frightening and
it is hard to get through the day without having flashbacks
of the rape. I wonder if I will ever be free.