Joy And Pain

I'm trying very hard to keep myself in the present.
This disconnected place where I have been lost, is not where I want to stay.
There is really not a reason for living in such a quiet, lonely place.
It is not living.

My therapist is right when she says that there is no joy without pain.
I allow myself to connect,but then I fear the loss of the connection.
I think that it always comes back to those feelings of "too much."
In my mind, "too much" means "bad."
I attempt to contain everything I am, everything I feel...
All of my wants and needs contained inside the smallest package that I can sustain.