Sunday, January 6, 2008

The Gap Nightmare


Audrey Hepburn in a Gap commercial

The reality of gaining weight is bad enough. Why in the world would I dream of going to the Gap to try on jeans? That is not just a dream. It is a nightmare! This morning I did not want to eat breakfast, but I did. I just felt disgusted with myself while I ate it. Why? It is not about the food, but it does feel like it is about the weight, even though I know that most likely, it is not. It is about the space that I take up in this world, and feeling like I'm undeserving. I know that I have to keep challenging those thoughts when they come into my head, because I have every right to be here. I can change my world. Everyone deserves a chance to change the world.
There was a group at Renfrew called "Safety and Containment," where we learned how to contain painful memories, and create a place in the mind where we could go after we had contained the pain. A safe place. The picture in this post reminds me of my safe place. I think that I will spend some time there today.