Just Let Go

Last night's therapy session was one of the best that I have ever had. I'm feeling very excited and hopeful right now. We talked about the reasons for holding on to my eating disorder and what purpose it is serving me at this point. I don't need it to help me cope with the rape anymore. I was having a hard time seeing the eating disorder and the rape as seperate entities; believing that the rape was the only reason for my eating disorder, but it is not. For a long time I also used it as a way to feel superior, and that is a very hard thing to have to admit to myself. In my mind, being fat meant not being good enough, and I felt like I was good at nothing. It gave me a false sense of power, and was the only special gift that I believed I could truly possess. So why am I still hanging on to it now? Those are no longer my beliefs. They are just old ideas that no longer serve a purpose, and it sounds so simple, but my therapist said, "So maybe now you can think about letting it go." Yes, I think... maybe I can... just let go.