Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Sleeping With An Eating Disorder

Yum! Sanitized Tape Worms...Easy To Swallow...No Ill Effects!

Sadly, I guarantee you that if this product was being sold on our drug store shelves, there would be people out there buying it!

Speaking of strange and disturbing, I have had strangely disturbing dreams about food lately. (not that dreaming of food is all that unusual for me)
I could go for days without food passing my lips, except in my dreams, where I would hungrily devour all of the food that I denied myself while awake. Morning would come, and with it, self-loathing and disgust, just for simply wanting. It has been months since I've had that type of food dream. I'm eating regularly, so there is no longer any reason to feed myself through my dreams, so I suppose that I'm trying to make sense of the strange dreams that I've had just recently. (If you have a weak stomach, turn back now!)
In one of these dreams, I am choosing items from a cafeteria type setting, and as I place the items on my tray, huge spiders and other insects begin to crawl out of the food. In another dream, I am sitting in a restaurant, and as I lift my fork to my mouth, the food on the utensil transforms into a fork full of squirming maggots. Mmmmm, delicious!
My theory is that it is my eating disorder (aka Claudia) trying to turn me away from food by making it as unappetizing as possible. Isn't that Claudia so clever? Well, at least she would like to think so anyway!
My therapist thinks that this is my anxiety over food and eating coming out in my dreams, now that I'm beginning to conquer those fears on a daily basis. I think that we are both right:) Either way, the insects do make me feel a bit queasy, so hopefully these sorts of dreams won't stick around for long!


isabella mori said...

these remind me of addiction dreams. i recall that for at least 15 years after quitting smoking i'd have dreams about smoking, mostly "catching" myself with cigarettes in my hands. while i was still smoking, and through the many years of trying to quit, i never had those dreams.