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Monday, January 25, 2010

Hard Times

depression Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm not really sure that I'm up to blogging right now, but I'm going to give it a shot.
I've been struggling with some severe depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I dissociated on Wednesday night, and I guess that I went on a drinking binge, which I don't remember at all. My husband took me into the hospital and they admitted me to the psych ward for a five day stay. I've also relapsed with my eating disorder which has me feeling sad, depressed and guilty. I'm so ashamed about the worry that I've caused my family. I want to turn things around. I'm going to go to an outpatient addiction recovery program. It is three times a week for a few weeks. Maybe that will help with the drinking. I know that I need all of the support I can get.
I started on a new medication for depression, and hopefully that will help. I'm going to make a huge effort to eat better, so that I can get on the right track. I know that eating more will also help with the depression. I'm going to do everything that I can to start feeling better. My family deserves better than this, and so do I.

16 Comments:

Mike Golch said...

PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR,DO NOT KILL YOUR SELF!I FOR ONE WILL MISS YOU.NOT TO MENTION THAT SUCICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER.

Angela said...

You are right, Mike. It's not the answer, and it's very selfish thinking. The pain just gets too hard sometimes. I'm trying to get my head back in the game so to speak. Thanks for your caring and concern:)

Ruth said...

(((((HUGS)))))

Hang in there! You've done well in your recovery in the past and you can do it again.

Angela said...

Thanks Ruth. I do believe that I can do it.
Take care:)

clean and crazy said...

awe honey, i hope you can get through this, Syd just posted about his wife's freind giving up and my freind just told me his daughters classmate gave up on life yesterday.

i too have been there thinking what bliss it would be to just close my eyes...

my daughter got me through it today, thank God, i don't want t o quit on life. i KNOW you don't want to quit. you are beautiful and strong and can get through anything, yes you can else why would you still be here? your higher power has big plans for you, your sons will make you a grandma someday and babies need their grandmas.

focus on the positive, keep an open mind and don't give up. keep writing when you get down it helps to get the bad out of your head.
if anyone can get through this it is you and you deserve so much happiness and joy inside.

you are in my thoughts my freind, take care of you

Angela said...

Thank you. I know I'm going to get through this. I have a lot of love and support, and so much to live for. I was just mometarily in a very bad place. I'm feeling hopeful that I can turn things around. I appreciate your kind words:)
Take care!

SGR said...

Woof! Woof! Hang in There. Sending you my Golden Healing Thoughts. Check out my SNOW photos ... hope it will bring some enlightenment. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

Angela said...

Thanks Sugar. I'm sure those pics will cheer me up:)

Lenox Knits said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your relapse. I hope you don't beat yourself up for it. Just focus on all the positive steps you've taken. I am always amazed at your openness and honesty. It inspires me.

Angela said...

Thank you:) I'm trying not to beat myself up, but I do feel tremendous guilt. I really appreciate your comment. It made me feel like my openess helps other people.Take care!

Ann said...

Oh Angela I'm so sorry. I've been wondering where you've been. I was hoping that you were just busy with school. Best wishes with the treatment. Big hugs to you

Angela said...

Thank you so much Ann. Hugs to you also:)

Poetic Shutterbug said...

We all slip sometimes but I know you have the will power and determination to get better and you will. Hang in there.

Jennifer said...

Oh, Angela -- I'm sorry that I haven't been here in several days (and somehow didn't figure things out via FB). Thinking of you and pulling for you.

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