Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Body Pledge

My husband commented the other day that he thought my thoughts about body image, weight, and food were obsessive compulsive, and I had never really thought about that before. The tape constantly plays in my head, sometimes even in my sleep. It is like I cannot escape them. There is very little time that I am free of them. Maybe at work, when I'm occupied with children, and during my yoga practice. I realize that it is a sad way to live, and yet I'm not really sure where to begin with change. The whole eating disorder feels endless and hopeless sometimes. Today I went to the doctor for an annual check up, and although I already knew that I had severe osteoporosis, she did another bone density test today, and that hasn't improved. I thought yoga and weight gain would help. The medical symptoms of the eating disorder are still there. I'm feeling emotional about it, and there is so much self blame for what I've done to my body. I know that I have to find forgiveness for myself, but today that is difficult. I found this body pledge picture on Pinterest, and I want to make those promises to myself. I know that all I can do is try. Sometimes believing in myself is difficult.