Are You Comfortable In Your Skin?

What does it mean to be comfortable in your skin? As someone who has both battled an eating disorder, and also have many friends who struggle, it is a common thing to say and to also hear. We think that if we could only be a certain weight, we would be "comfortable," but I will tell you that this is untrue. What we are uncomfortable with has nothing to do with the size of our bodies. What we are uncomfortable with is being present. It is impossible to find comfort when you are continuously running from yourself. How often do we sit with ourselves in silence, being still and aware? Today I took a yoga class with a teacher that I love, but don't often get to take classes from, and she said as we were settling into Downward Facing Dog, "Fill in the blank...I am grateful for...," and immediately I thought, "I feel grateful for my strong and resilient body." Oh, how I made my body suffer, trying to find some shred of comfort...my heart became weak, severe osteoporosis, my hair clogged the drain every time I took a shower, and I was beyond tired. Yes, I was thin, but I was far from comfortable.  I wasn't trying to be comfortable, I was trying not to be...

When we are present, we journey beyond our bodies, into the deepest part of ourselves, and into the truest form of who we are. I began to nurture my body by feeding it, and at first it was painful, and definitely uncomfortable. Discomfort doesn't even begin to describe the intensity I was feeling both emotionally and physically. Re-feeding isn't pretty. Does recovery mean you will always feel at home in the skin you inhabit? NO! The flow of healing isn't linear. There are peaks and valleys, and often we learn the most from those places of supposed inertia. Listen to the silences, and pay attention to your soul. Your soul is speaking...

Be still...

"And so there must be in life something like a catastrophic turning point, when the world we know ceases to exist. A moment that transforms us into a different person from one heartbeat to the next."

~ From "The Art Of Hearing Heartbeats" by Jan Philipp Sendker