Thursday, June 25, 2015

All You Know

I'm getting over a particularly nasty bout of the stomach flu, so perhaps that is what has me feeling out of sorts. I like for things to make sense...I mean, who doesn't, right? I woke up yesterday feeling lost, which made no logical sense in my mind. I have been heading in a purposeful direction for quite some time, but suddenly I'm grasping. I'm either on the verge of tears or maniacal laughter at any given moment, and I'm exhausted.  A strange interaction that I had on Facebook seems to have triggered something inside of me, which I'm trying to figure out. A woman that I'm "friends" with posted something about how she thought it was a great idea to do drug testing on anyone who is applying for welfare assistance, like applying for welfare isn't humiliating enough!? She asked how others felt about it, and I happen to disagree. I rarely get into discussions like this on Facebook, but feeling strongly,  I made a few comments, in a very calm manner. Many of her comments disturbed me though, one of them being that she has no compassion for drug addicts. It also bothered me that she assumes anyone needing assistance is a drug user. The more I thought about her callous comments, I decided that I didn't care to be "friends" with her, so I unfriended her. As I write this, it sounds childish, and I probably don't screen my friend requests very well. The next morning there was an angry message from her calling me a baby for unfriending her. Ahhh, a "baby!." That is something I often say in my head when I'm beating up on myself, so it was a particularly painful blow. I can call myself a baby, but you fuck off!  After that, I also blocked her, but it left me with a creepy feeling. 

I'm going to be taking a hiatus from Facebook, and I'm definitely deleting the app from my phone. I like to see what is going on in the lives of the people that I'm unable to connect with in person, but I struggle as it is with boundaries. I tend to absorb the energy of the people around me, and take on those feelings as if they were my own. I enjoy connecting with people, sharing my story, and helping others to find their way through this recovery maze, but I don't want to end up losing myself in the process. I've reached my limit. I love where I am in my life. I love who I am becoming, and where I'm going. There is so much more, but I need to protect myself, or I am going to be eaten alive. Social media is wonderful in many ways, but it has a dark side, like everything in life. I've reached a saturation point, and I crave a break. When even your own status updates cause eye rolling, you know you have reached your limit, plus my house is dirty! 

This blog is connected to my Facebook, as well as a couple of other pages that I run, so I will not completely disappear, but I will be limiting my time. I am going to spend the rest of my summer enjoying my family, kissing my dog, teaching yoga, practicing my hugging technique, and sharing my heart in the best way I know how, which is all I know. It is all you know too.