Often I come here, unsure of what to say, only knowing that there are feelings within that I am compelled to put into words, or at least this blog is my feeble attempt.
As I'm sitting here in front of the computer screen, my sweet husband is softly snoring on the couch, and golf is on the television in the background. It is mid afternoon, cool and rainy, and what should seem peaceful, has me instead filled with worry.
This is my downfall...
My inability to enjoy the present moment, as it is, without jumping into the future, my fears, and what ifs...
I love so intensely that I'm hyper aware of just how devastating it would be to lose the things I hold close to my heart. The simple sound of rain, while my husband sleeps peacefully near me is so perfect and lovely that it swells inside of me to the point where it can no longer be contained, and yet, I try. I suppose this is what causes my pain, or perhaps the fear that I am not strong enough to survive such tremendous loss. There is no way to prepare for such things, and so why I do this to myself is beyond me. As soon as I acknowledge the amazing gifts in my life, the next thought seems to be fraught with worry that it will all be taken away.
This is life,
and it is a guarantee that no one will make it out alive,
or even unscathed.
I will lose,
I will gain,
and my work here is to continue to notice and be grateful for each magical moment,
each magical person that fills my life with this much love.
It is not meant to be contained...
Artwork by- Jimmy Lawlor