Today Is My Birthday

Today is my birthday...

the final year of this decade in my forties.

It has been tumultuous to say the least. 

I clawed my way through, 

sometimes barely hanging on,

but here I am! 

I would like to say it was a beautiful ride,

but not so much...

At first glance, 

you may have even wanted to avert your gaze, 

but there was quiet celebration 

if you could focus your gaze long enough to see the details. 

The celebration in no particular order, because I find them all to be miracles...

• Finding my voice, which meant finally speaking out about being raped
• Going to therapy
• Getting treatment for anorexia which meant going inpatient and being away from my family
• Surviving two suicide attempts{Feeling my feelings was overwhelmingly painful, and I wanted to die.} I'm thankful that I was not successful. 
• Finding yoga and an accepting community
• Continuing to work through the process of trauma with my amazing therapist and nutritionist
• Graduating from yoga teachers training.
• Teaching yoga, and especially serving the community of people struggling with eating disorders and PTSD. 
• Working through continuing panic attacks, and symptoms from PTSD. {I decided to go off of all pharmaceutical medication two years ago, and there have been some ups and downs, but I have learned many tools to deal with my anxiety. That does not mean that I may never again need medication. It was beneficial to my recovery, and I will never rule it out}   

*I was just offered a job to teach yoga in a hospital based intensive outpatient eating disorder treatment facility, and that has been my dream ever since I discovered the power of yoga for recovery from my eating disorder. 

**49 is feeling good!