Thursday, September 6, 2007

My Anger

I went to see my therapist yesterday.
We talked about anger.
Specifically, we talked about how
afraid I am of my anger.
She is right.
The intensity of my anger scares me
more than almost anything else.

I have been having the most vivid
and violent dreams lately.
In the dreams, I brutally stab
my rapists to death.
During the dream, it feels so good
to stab and slash.
Their blood feels like a cleansing rain.
I feel powerful.
I feel joyful.
Then, I awaken,
and all that I can feel
is shame and disgust.

So, I turn my anger inward.
I try to bury it and ignore
that it exists.
I try not to exist.
I starve.
I want to take back my power,
I am afraid.


dyingtodance said...

I just wanted to say that your not the only one that has thoughts like this. I have numerous times and it does scare me. I think Ive come to accept that being angry especially towards people that have hurt you is ok. Hope everythings going well