Restless

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep.
Lately I feel so restless, as if I'm drifting
outside of myself; watching from a distance.
I can't seem to focus on anything for very long.
I try to watch movies with my family, but my mind
just wanders. I used to love to read, but the best
that I can do anymore is flip through a magazine.
Everyone seems to grate on my nerves,
and I hate that I feel that way. I know that isolating
myself and pushing everyone away is not the answer.
I keep bouncing back and forth between sickness
and recovery. The fear gets me every time, and it is
like an abyss that I can't find my way out of. I'm in this
dark place right now that feels safe, and all that I can
hear is white noise. It soothes and comforts me. The
detachment feels like the only thing that anchors me
to the ground, and without it I would just float away.