Friday, November 9, 2007


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I'm in a scarey place right now, and really more afraid than I have ever been. I can't eat. I tried last night~a few bites of fish. I cried over a granola bar this morning before I finally gave up. I can't ask Dave for help, and I don't want to put him in the position of monitoring my food. I don't know if I can be accountable to myself at this point. I wanted to be able to do this on my own, but I'm not sure it is possible. I can't seem to handle dealing with all of the trauma stuff and feed myself at the same time. I think that maybe I need a safe place where there is emotional support to work through the food issues...where I won't be able to engage in harmful behaviors and use starving to cope. I need to learn how to eat, but I don't think that I can learn on my own. I can't seem to push myself hard enough.
The fear gets in my way.