Recovery Questions

So many questions in my mind regarding recovery. I just returned from seeing my nutritionist, and talking about the struggles that I'm having with following my meal plan. I was inpatient for 30 days. Not long enough to trust that my meal plan will not make me gain a significant amount of weight. Bottom line is that I haven't been trusting my meal plan. Consequently, since I have returned from Renfrew, I have gradually been losing weight. I'm clueless as to what that weight is...it doesn't really matter. What is so frustrating is that I truly don't see it. In fact, I could have sworn that I've been gaining weight. There are many other questions and worries. One is that although I have asked my family to intervene if it looks like I'm going to skip a meal, I'm really only eating if they insist that I come to the table. I'm having a hard time doing it on my own. I'm still not in recovery for myself. I want it for my kids, my husband...anyway, all that matters at this point is that I want it. I would like to want it for myself, but maybe that will come with time.