Friday, June 27, 2008

Telling Secrets

My husband wonders why I do this. He doesn't understand why I would want to share so much personal information, especially with strangers. In the beginning, the writing was a way to sort through all of the thoughts and feelings that began to surface after I told my husband and therapist that I had been raped as a child. I was so protective of all of my secrets, and I think it was a way of keeping something for myself when everything else had been taken. Eating disorders thrive in silence, and hiding behind the secrets made me feel safe. Through writing, I began to slowly let go of the shame that I had carried around for so long, and it felt good. What felt even better though was the response I received from people that I didn't even know. I would hear how my story or a poem that I had written touched someone else, or had helped them to feel less alone, and for once in my life, I felt like maybe I could make a difference. I was finally being heard, and now I feel that I can no longer be silent. If I can help other people along with myself throughout this journey, then sharing my struggles along with my triumphs is worth it.

I'm afraid
all of the time
I wonder
what you hide

No one is
who they say
they are
Who are you?
Who am I?
Who can I trust
with all that I am?

For so long
you have seen
what I want
you to see
or so I thought

I don't want
to be alone
To be me...

So I give
all of my secrets
To hold
like a wish
in your hands
A deep breath...
and then gone...

Angela Minard 2008©


Untreatable said...

Before I started to blog I found this quote that kind of gave me the push of bringing my story out of the dark

"Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented"

It has always summed up what I do and why I do it. Nobody talks and nothing will change.

take care

Anonymous said...

Thought for Life:

"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

Keep up the good work and do what makes you feel good and CHANGE will take place.

Many understand and will respect you.



Anonymous said...

lovely poem..when you communicate more good things happen than bad..:)

Lumina said...

I understand completely Angel.

I began to heal the day I decided to speak and my healing continued to bring me closer to Myself with each secret I revealed.

"I have learned that secrecy breeds shame, while honesty gives birth to pride." ~Me, 1994