Telling Secrets

My husband wonders why I do this. He doesn't understand why I would want to share so much personal information, especially with strangers. In the beginning, the writing was a way to sort through all of the thoughts and feelings that began to surface after I told my husband and therapist that I had been raped as a child. I was so protective of all of my secrets, and I think it was a way of keeping something for myself when everything else had been taken. Eating disorders thrive in silence, and hiding behind the secrets made me feel safe. Through writing, I began to slowly let go of the shame that I had carried around for so long, and it felt good. What felt even better though was the response I received from people that I didn't even know. I would hear how my story or a poem that I had written touched someone else, or had helped them to feel less alone, and for once in my life, I felt like maybe I could make a difference. I was finally being heard, and now I feel that I can no longer be silent. If I can help other people along with myself throughout this journey, then sharing my struggles along with my triumphs is worth it.

Secrets

I'm afraid
all of the time
I wonder
what you hide

No one is
who they say
they are
Who are you?
Who am I?
Who can I trust
with all that I am?

For so long
you have seen
what I want
you to see
or so I thought

I don't want
to be alone
anymore
To be me...
Alive...

So I give
all of my secrets
away
To hold
like a wish
in your hands
A deep breath...
and then gone...

Angela Minard 2008©