My mom and I finished painting the boys rooms today, and now all that we have left is the basement, which we are painting a warm gold color. This afternoon after painting, I decided to take a bath and clean off all of paint. I made the mistake of glancing into the mirror as I was getting in, and now I just feel sick. I have been following my meal plan since my mom has been here, and I know that I have gained weight. That is supposed to be a good thing, but it doesn't feel very good. I feel bloated, puffy, and so uncomfortable. I want to be able to love my body, but is just very hard right now. I feel as if I should hide away from the world because I have gained weight. Crazy, I know...but that is how I feel.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Hide Away
Posted by Angela at 4:42 PM
Labels: Anger, anorexia, eating disorder recovery, hate
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4 Comments:
Hi Angela, Hang in there. It isn't the size of your body that makes you beautiful. I've worked with children with autism also. Children never care what you look like. I'm sure your son also wants you to be healthy. Take care! Venus.
Thought of the Day:
"I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe." - Leo Rosten
Believe in the right things:
Love
You know, I went through this too. At first I did like you and wanted to hide away...a few times I think I did hide away. Later though, I started quickly looking away from the mirror and saying, no, I don't like it but what the hell do I know? It's okay. It's me and I'm okay.
After a while it began to sink in. Now, I can look in the mirror and not think terrible things about myself. I can actually appreciate my body, not for what it looks like as that's not a concern so much anymore, but for what it can do... Even more importantly, for the woman I am inside it. That's what's important to me now.
You are a wonderfully made woman, beautiful inside and out. You have a smile that lights up a room and a personality that makes it so easy to love you. Remember, your body is merely a vessel in which your soul is carried in the world. It is an amazing creation, able to withstand extreme situations, but still work appropriately. Try to think of it like that.....your heart beats as it should with no help. Your lungs make you breathe without your thinking about it.....that's pretty amazing stuff. :)
That sounds like Claudia talking. Where is the warrior you were so adamant about becoming?
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