Health And Happiness

Today was the first time that I have stepped outside of my house since last Wednesday. Partly because I haven't been feeling well, and partly because everything feels like such a huge effort. I went to work today, and it was good to be back, but I'm really exhausted. The results of the gastric emptying study came back, and I was diagnosed with gastroparesis, which is abnormally slow emptying of the stomach, most likely due to my anorexia. The small intestine sort of forgets how to move food through the digestive tract. I was prescribed a drug called Reglan which stimulates stomach muscle contractions to help emptying. Hopefully this will help me feel better, and get my digestive system working more normally. I would just like to have some energy instead of this lethargic feeling of uselessness. Last night I felt panicked at the idea of having to leave the house this morning, but once I pushed myself out the door, everything was fine. I'm not sure what is causing all of this anxiety and fear, but I do know that I'm tired of it, and it is wearing me down. Maybe once I actually have my health back, I will begin to feel more hopeful. I think the reason that I'm feeling so discouraged is because I've been trying so hard to eat healthy, and follow my meal plan, and all that I'm feeling is worse. It is hard for me not to feel as if food is the enemy. I know that I just have to be patient and give my body more time. I abused my body for many years, so I know that it is going to take time to heal. I've come this far, and I never want to go through this again, and that is what I'm counting on to keep me going.