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Monday, December 1, 2008

Feeling Safe

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Today has not been bad for a Monday. I woke up this morning without feeling anxious, and that was a very nice change. I think my medication is starting to kick in, and the exercise has also really been helping. All in all, I'm feeling pretty good! The only thing that has been a problem has been not eating all of my meal plan. It is hard because I feel like I can't eat that much food, and I still feel like I need to lose weight. I always feel like I need to lose weight though. It is such a battle in my mind, but one I won't give up trying to fight. I think that I may have my nutritionist weigh me on Wednesday and see what she thinks. She wanted to weigh me at my last appointment to see if we needed to keep the meal plan the same, but I couldn't do it. Being weighed causes me so much anxiety, and right now, part of my reasoning is that I feel too fat to let anyone know what my weight is. I think that I would also be crushed if she told me that she thought that I could stand to lose some weight. I don't even want to know what it is. Such a dilemma. I drive myself crazy! Part of me wants to let it go, and the other part wants to hold on for dear life. I know that one of the reasons that I'm feeling good right now is because I'm controlling my food intake so tightly, and that feels safe. I'm not sure in what direction I want to go.

5 Comments:

Akirah said...

Sometimes you gotta let go of painful things...but it's good when you get yourself to the point of turning to others for strength. I commend you for that. It takes time, but you'll figure it out. But yes, it takes time.

Lisa said...

If someone told you that you could "stand to lose some weight," I think you'd have grounds for a malpractice suit.

evolveever.com said...

Hi,

Just wanted to check out how you feel today & heartening to know you are positive. Pray the meds work well and your resolve to fight stays steady. Wishing you well & heatlth.

Take Care.

Angel said...

I'm doing okay. I really do think the meds ar helping. Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and wishes for me:)

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