A Weight Has Been Lifted

Yesterday we had our family therapy session so that we could talk to the boys about my suicide attempt. Both my therapist and Dave's therapist were there to facilitate the session, and I had a session with my therapist beforehand. I was so nervous, but I think that the session went really well. I think that the kids were mostly worried that they had done something wrong to make me so unhappy with my life. I think that I was able to assure them that the reason that I was sad and in so much pain had nothing to do with them and everything to do with my past and how I felt about myself. It was important that they understand that it was a horrible mistake that I made, and one that I promised them that I would not repeat again. They are really wonderful boys, and I am so blessed and thankful that they are a part of my life...one of the best parts of my life!

I am so relieved that the session is over with though. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, which is such a cliche', but very true. I feel like I can really move forward with my life now, and put the past and my mistakes behind me. That doesn't mean that I won't still have hurdles to jump over, but I feel like the path ahead is clearer. I think the biggest hurdle besides Dave's brain tumor is this damn eating disorder. The sickest that I have ever been was after Dave's second surgery, and this recent diagnosis is a huge trigger for my anorexia. I want to be healthy, strong, and not try to mask my emotions with the distraction of my eating disorder, but I think that it is going to take a great deal of vigilance. I do have to say though that I'm feeling much stronger, and generally in good spirits. I'm getting regular exercise, and the new anti-depressant that I've been on seems to be working.

Life is good:)