Monday, February 23, 2009

A Morning Meditation


I think that I have talked here a few times about how each morning I wake up with a sense of fear and dread, and it makes it so hard for me to want to get up and face the day. Well, this morning, the same thing happened, but instead of laying in bed with feelings of dread, I decided to take a few deep, cleansing breaths and focus my mind on everything that I am grateful for in my life, and also the things that bring me joy. It only took about five minutes, and then after that I really did feel less afraid of going out into the world. I'm going to try to make a habit of starting out my mornings with an informal meditation of sorts. I think it really helped me to have a better day and see things in a more positive light. I'm not even really sure why I wake up so afraid every day. I love my job and the children that I work with, so it certainly isn't that. I do think that the nightmares and flashbacks I have make me somewhat hyper-vigilant, as if I'm going to be attacked at any moment. It is the anxiety of the unknown.
My therapist told me to try to tell myself before I go to sleep, that when I have a nightmare, I will fight back in the dream, so the past few nights, I have said that to myself. It is much different from what I usually say, which is, "Please God, don't let me have any nightmares." It is part of taking back my power, which I am really working on.
Friday night my flashbacks were really bad, but Dave made sure that I stayed near him, which really helped even though my gut reaction is to isolate myself so that no one else can see what I'm going through. The rest of the weekend was much better, and I was also nightmare free. That is what I want. Freedom from fear.


PinkLady said...

I am so happy to hear this Angela. Indeed, it makes a world of difference to count our blessings each day. It changes our attitude and disposition. Doing it in the morning is a great idea to start your day right.

Much Love,

Bing (",)

Shinade said...

Me too Angel, I am happy you decided to give this a go.

I do mine at night. I have problems doing formal meditation. I start concentrating on my breathing so much that I don't eve get relaxed.

So I found an article with this tip and this is what I do.

At night after I say my prayers I simply say Okay God I'm ready to listen. And then I just lie there and I can feel the tension releasing immediately.

I don't literally hear God talking to me of course, but, I do feel His presence. And I sleep better and often times find that he answers prayers that I didn't even formally pray about.

It really helps me a lot. I think this great and I hope you keep it up!!

Laurie Brenner said...

In reading through your entries I see that you are carrying a lot of pain within you.

I would like to share with you a technique that can help you with that. You can download the manual for free, and there is someone on that will show you how to do it. His name is Brad Yates.

The technique is called EFT - emotional freedom technique. Go here to read up and get your free manual:, then go out to Youtube and tap along with Brad Yates, You are magnificent:

You are a divine child of the universe and as such are entitled to great joy. You can let go of the pain. You really can. Allow yourself to believe what that would feel like for just a few moments!

Laurie J. Brenner

Angel said...

Thank you Laurie, I will check that out:)

The Real Gal said...

Angel, sounds like you found a good "grounding technique." I am so very sorry for all the pain that you have encountered dear one. Blessings.