Afraid Of Hunger

After so many years of starving myself, I’m feeding my body, and it hurts. It physically and emotionally causes me pain. This year of recovery has been so difficult. It took my body awhile before I was actually feeling hunger. I had ignored the hunger signals to my body for so long that when my body started to respond, it was terrifying to me, but I could no longer deny the hunger. I need food, and I hate to need anything.

Yesterday, I was driving home from work to take a lunch break, when suddenly I began crying because I was so hungry, and I didn’t want to feel it at all, and it was intense. What if I went home, and I couldn’t stop eating? What if I became this bottomless pit of wants and needs? What if a simple sandwich wasn’t enough and I wanted more? The questions were overwhelming. It was scary to be unable to turn off the hunger, but I went home, made myself a sandwich, and it was enough. I survived one more hurdle, and that feels so good!