Tuesday, April 28, 2009

In This Body


Today the preschool class that I work in went on a field trip to the Deanna Rose Childrens Farmstead. It is primarily an autism classroom along with four peer models. It was such a beautiful day here in Kansas City. It has been rainy here for many days, so it was nice to see the sun shining down this morning. We had a really great time! All of the kids were extremely melt downs, no one got hurt, and we had plenty of adults available to help. The kids loved seeing all of the farm animals, and especially enjoyed feeding the goats, but I think the highlight was watching them each take a pony ride. Their little faces just lit up as soon as they sat on the saddle. The day couldn't have gone more smoothly.

I got up again this morning and went walking with my neighbor. The alarm goes off at 4:45am, and boy is it hard to drag myself out of bed, but it is so worth it. I remind myself how energized I feel afterwards. I even came home after work and did some stretching, sit ups, and lifted some weights. My therapy homework for this week was to be more aware of what my body can do, and to tune into how my body feels. Most of the time I try very hard to disconnect myself from my body, and Lord knows, I don't WANT to feel it or have anything to do with it, so this assignment has been tougher than it sounds. It was funny...I tried to exercise with the television off...trying to be aware of my breathing and the way my body felt when it moved, and I almost started to cry. Being in my own skin is actually painful. I had to stop and turn the television on so that I could finish. I'm so used to distancing myself from feelings, especially the feeling of inhabiting my own body. It definitely touched a nerve, but I will keep working on it. Maybe eventually I will even graduate to LOOKING at my body. ARGHHHH!! That is a little ways down the road! I have to keep telling myself that it is okay to take baby steps. Baby steps, and yes, even many steps backwards have gotten me this far. I'm just going to enjoy where I am...right here and now.


clean and crazy said...

aahh, and such a powerful last line "enjoying right where i am right here, right now, what a sweet sentiment. hey you know you might you might benefit from? Yoga, seriously i am terrible at it myself but if you want to be able to center yourself, and it sounds like you do, yoga might be they right way to go. i have a video from a gal who does yoga for beginners, so if you look for one make sure it says for beginners. don't try the gal in the mornings with the long grey hair, she is "insane"!! she just bends all over the place and talks while she does it!! it is insane i tell you!! but try the beginner teachers, they explain as they stretch what they are stretching and also what your supposed to feel when you are stretching so you know you are doing it right. anyway it is a wonderfully beautiful thing to watch, i tried tai-bo once and broke a lamp, this is much safer and you can go slow. take care of you.

A Mom's Choice said...

Your such an inspirational Women, not only are you helping kids with autism fight their battle, you are fighting your own battle. I was wondering if I could email you? I have a question to ask you which I would prefer not to be out to cyberspace. Let me know, Thanks. Keeping blogging because your helping so many. HUGSSSS

Chronic Chick TalkBTW the blogger blog is my new one.