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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Going On Vacation

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I'm taking a break from packing to let you all know that I'm going on vacation. We are taking a road trip in our Chevy Venture which I have lovingly named Chervil, and heading to Colorado and Arizona. I'm excited about seeing the Grand Canyon, which I've always wanted to see, so I will hopefully be posting some awesome pictures. This is our first family vacation in a very long time, and I'm really looking forward to spending some time with all of my boys, and yes, that definitely includes my husband. The boys are all getting older and it will become more and more rare that we will all be able to go on trips together, so I plan on making the most of it.
There are of course some minor worries for me while we are on our trip, but I'm trying to push these thoughts out of my head. For one thing, we will be eating out at fast food places a lot, which is causing me some anxiety. I don't eat that type of food very often. I like to eat at home most of the time with foods that I feel safe consuming. I'm telling myself that it's not a huge deal, and I know that there are many healthy choices that I can make. It's just out of my comfort zone. I'm also very nervous about wearing a bathing suit. I'm hoping that the one I have fits. I've been too scared to try it on. I figure that if it doesn't, or I'm too uncomfortable, I won't put myself through it. The other part of my head tells me that I should get over the discomfort because I don't really want to miss out at some fun in the sun, and it will limit what I do while on vacation. I'm tired of letting this eating disorder stand in the way of living my life. The last worry that I have is my concern over what other people will think of my weight gain. I know that I shouldn't care, and it is getting easier, but the eating disorder loves to tell me what a fat pig I've become, and how I must not have any self control. It tries to make me believe that other people will also think those horrible things about me. I have been much better about feeding myself positive thoughts, and I'm often reminding myself that my self worth should not be based upon what size of jeans I wear. It is very difficult in this society, when the world is constantly telling us that we need to be ultra thin to gain happiness and success, but I'm beginning to believe, because despite the struggles that I'm still having, I've never been healthier or happier. Recovery is definitely worth it!

5 Comments:

Mike Golch said...

enjoy the trip.I'll be here when you get back and look forward to seeing your trip photos.

Anonymous said...

Despite the dysfunctional, incorrect and ridiculous ads, I think you, yourself, have proven time and time again that being "ultra thin" does not gain happiness and success. Just concentrate on this wonderful family time and do not put all the focus on yourself and hopefully you will have fun.

earthtoholly said...

You are going to looove the Grand Canyon! Have a great and time don't give a bit of thought to the bathing suit thing. You are beautiful!

Jennifer said...

Have a wonderful time. It sounds like a lovely trip.

I really wish that there was more healthy road food out there. It would be better for everyone. And earthtoholly is so right: You are beautiful!

PinkLady said...

i am looking forward to seeing your photos Angela. i can see that you are so much better now and that is really awesome. don't worry about the little things. what matters most is that you get the chance to bond with your boys (hubby included) so enjoy their company to the hilt. don't allow the food and other little things to spoil your vacation, ok?

God bless,

bing (",)