Chances

I started back to work on Monday, and it felt really good to be back to my usual routine. I was nervous about the questions that my co-workers would ask me about why I had been gone so long, but no one really asked too many questions. I did hear from one of my co-workers that it was flying around the rumour mill that I had been gone for psychiatric treatment. He also told me that my supervisors were going to pull me into a meeting to discuss whether or not this job was too stressful for me. I'm just going to say that it is not, and that the doctors had said that I could return to work without restrictions. That is all that I'm going to say. It really isn't anyone's business why I've been gone. I had just received a great review from my supervisor, so they can't say that my work has been poor.
I've also been very busy with therapy and the addiction recovery program that I'm attending. I was really anxious about going through such an intense and long program because I had hated the A.A. meetings so much, but I'm really actually enjoying them. The people and all of the staff there are so nice and welcoming. It is such a diverse mixture of people, and very interesting to listen to their stories. I'm exhausted from my day at work, and then having to attend the three hour program in the evenings. I'm emotionally drained by the end of the night, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get my act together.
I need to call my mom and my step dad and tell them that I'm doing okay. I don't know why I've been putting it off, besides the fact that I'm ashamed and embarrassed that this happened again for the second time in two years. I'm feeling stronger now, so today I'm going to suck it up and give them a call.
I've been eating better. I'm drinking a meal replacement shake in the morning and afternoon, and then eating dinner. It is more than I've consumed in months, and it is really stressing me out. I actually cried yesterday, while I was drinking the shake. I know that sounds so ridiculous, but it's hard. I had lost most of the weight that I had gained last year, and I'm just terrified to put it back on because I was so miserable. I'm going to do this though. I don't want to put my family through this again. Well, that is what is going on in my life at the moment. I'm just grateful to have been given so many chances to live.