Wednesday, February 3, 2010


color splash Pictures, Images and Photos

I started back to work on Monday, and it felt really good to be back to my usual routine. I was nervous about the questions that my co-workers would ask me about why I had been gone so long, but no one really asked too many questions. I did hear from one of my co-workers that it was flying around the rumour mill that I had been gone for psychiatric treatment. He also told me that my supervisors were going to pull me into a meeting to discuss whether or not this job was too stressful for me. I'm just going to say that it is not, and that the doctors had said that I could return to work without restrictions. That is all that I'm going to say. It really isn't anyone's business why I've been gone. I had just received a great review from my supervisor, so they can't say that my work has been poor.
I've also been very busy with therapy and the addiction recovery program that I'm attending. I was really anxious about going through such an intense and long program because I had hated the A.A. meetings so much, but I'm really actually enjoying them. The people and all of the staff there are so nice and welcoming. It is such a diverse mixture of people, and very interesting to listen to their stories. I'm exhausted from my day at work, and then having to attend the three hour program in the evenings. I'm emotionally drained by the end of the night, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get my act together.
I need to call my mom and my step dad and tell them that I'm doing okay. I don't know why I've been putting it off, besides the fact that I'm ashamed and embarrassed that this happened again for the second time in two years. I'm feeling stronger now, so today I'm going to suck it up and give them a call.
I've been eating better. I'm drinking a meal replacement shake in the morning and afternoon, and then eating dinner. It is more than I've consumed in months, and it is really stressing me out. I actually cried yesterday, while I was drinking the shake. I know that sounds so ridiculous, but it's hard. I had lost most of the weight that I had gained last year, and I'm just terrified to put it back on because I was so miserable. I'm going to do this though. I don't want to put my family through this again. Well, that is what is going on in my life at the moment. I'm just grateful to have been given so many chances to live.


clean and crazy said...

you sound like you are making progress!! awesome!! i L-O-V-E the fact that you are trying meal replacement shakes!! awesome if i don't say so myself and recovery meetings!! Yay!!

no need to feel shame or guilt just feel better, you deserve it. you are awesome and amazing and beautiful and you can get better and live a happy and joyous life. i am your cheerleader!!!

Angela said...

Thank you so much! I'll take all of the cheerleaders I can get.

Ann said...

Good for you Angela, you sound very positive. Keep it going

Ruth said...

It's hard but in the end it will be so worth it!

Have you ever tried using one of those online calculators to figure out your Base Metabolic Rate, i.e. the number of calories your body actually needs to function? I don't know if it would be helpful for you but I thought I'd throw it out there for you to think about.

Anonymous said...

Don't waste all the chances you are being given. They are not unlimited. They are gifts. You must put your words into action so that you are not blogging about the same thing 2 or 3 or 5 years from now. Life is a gift. Don't waste it.

Mizé said...

It´s good to see you back with so much hope and positive thoughts. I can sense the strength in your words. That positive voice within you will win, keep believing.
Thanks for dropping by my PF blog.
All the best,