Saturday, February 6, 2010



My emotions bubble to the surface, often leaving me teary eyed and raw. I'm not even sure what these feelings are about. I've had therapy and nutritionist appointments along with the out-patient addiction recovery meetings which are three times a week. I have 4 more weeks to go. I'm already weary and feeling emotionally drained. Thursday night in the recovery group, I started to cry while I was sharing about my week. I don't even know what it was that made me cry. I have a difficult time labeling my emotions, and it is frustrating. That is a lot of what I'm working on in therapy, especially working on anger, which is the hardest for me to admit to or identify. I stuff my feelings down, restricting my food intake to numb and bury the feelings. Now that I'm adding more food to my meal plan, the feelings are returning full force, and it is scary. Most of the time though, the mask is on. I'm cheerful and smiling on the outside, while the pain on the inside aches all of the time. I do have hope that all of this will improve, and eventually I will feel better. It is going to take a lot of work, but I'm more than willing to do what it takes.


Nicole said...

Emotions are unfamiliar territory for me as well. It's so hard to have feelings when we've spent our lives numb, not feeling anything. I cry easily these days too, and I often have a hard time understanding what my tears are actually about.

Do you have an emotions list? My therapist gave one to me so I can carry it around and figure out how I am feeling throughout the day and practice identifying my emotions. I find it very helpful.

Keep hanging on and stay strong. I am so incredibly proud of you <3

Angela said...

I just got a list in my recovery group yesterday! I'm going to start practicing:)

Much love and hugs to you<3

Ruth said...

Sometimes I cry for no apparent reason too...confusing, isn't it?

Waterrose said...

just stopped by to say hi...and hugs