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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Falling Away

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All of my old coping mechanisms are falling away, leaving me to deal with painful memories and feelings on my own. Well, I guess that I have always dealt with them on my own, only in not such healthy ways. This morning I awoke from a nightmare. It was a strange dream, where I could see my rapists faces, although in reality, I cannot remember them with any clarity. All that I remember is that one of them had red hair. By the time that I woke up, the faces were gone, and usually that would be fine, but I wanted to see them...to see their faces, and be angry, and hate them for what they did to me. For once, I did not try to escape inside of my own mind. I did not run away, and it hurts, but I'm feeling. It hurts, but I'm moving forward.

5 Comments:

Ann said...

You are doing good Angela. You're able to deal with the feelings and the pain without running and hiding from it. I'm so proud of you.

Paula said...

You are doing so great. Unfortunately no progress with pain. I am glad to see how coping patternw hich have outlived their usefullness are falling away and new tools are added to your traits, helping you along. A long path to freedom. We are here to cheer you on, to walk beside you

Wanda's Wings said...

I'm very proud of you. You have grown so much. I'm here to wish you the best with your healing.

art said...

I know what you mean. It is painful- but it is healing. And the healing means FREEDOM. xoxoxo Jenny

Clueless said...

I am and have been where you are. It is so painful, yet, I knew it was a step forward...congratulations. Remember the process is not linear and take good care of yourself.

CC