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Monday, September 20, 2010

Shades Of Grey

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It is all or nothing, black or white, love or hate, without the shades of grey in between. That is how I tend to look at the world. I'm confused by anything else, therefore my thoughts and feelings are often irrational, and don't make much sense to other people. I get so caught up in the frenzy of my own mind, that I can't slow down and look at what is right in front of me. Everything that I need is already inside of me if I could get out of my own way long enough for me to see it. Today has been one of those days when I over think things. Actually, most days I over think things! I have to keep reminding myself to slow down. It is so hard for me to live in the moment. I'm so busy worrying about what happened yesterday, and what is going to happen tomorrow. I had some missteps with food and behaviors over the weekend, but I had some good moments also. It is difficult because I expect to do recovery perfectly. Screwing up means I'm a bad person, or that is what my black and white thinking would have me believe. I'm trying to cut myself some slack, but it is certainly rough going. I need to start living in the shades of grey.

7 Comments:

Wanda's Wings said...

Sometimes it is so hard for us to give ourselves a break. We are always trying to do everything perfect. Be kind to yourself. Life is shades of gray. Not just black and white.

From Here to There. In Purple. said...

balance, my dear. fight those all or ntohing thoughts by identifying them and re-working them to fit a more realistic mindset.
have a great night!
bec xo

Paula said...

Black or white? I remember this far to well too. Yet I discover the colors of rainbow in between. Having had to learn living in the moment is tough. I often wodner if what I feel now is this "here and now" or just a different version of lala- land. All is to new. Slowing down the mind is tough too. It took me a year of Jacobson exercise and QiGong to slow my thought chain. SIGH, still working on it. I have abdandoned perfectionism. It does not exist. It is the purest form of self abuse. I loe your awareness seing that you have good moments ove rthe weekend too. Hold on to those. Hugs to you

Ann said...

One day at a time, just give yourself that.

Missy said...

oh buy...I am sure so many of us relate to that.
The good news is that living in the present and accepting that things aren't always this or that is simple....

It's just not easy.

It's actually pretty darned difficult, huh?

Practice makes better, though (0:
~Missy

Anonymous said...

I second the thought that you should attempt to try and live within the grey of the wonderful world you/we live in.

Superman

Clueless said...

You've been tagged. Follow this link, http://clinicallyclueless.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-15-albums.html

If you don't want to that is okay...no pressure, but I thought this would be fun.

take care,
CC