"Hunger hurts and I want him so bad,
oh, it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts but starvin' works when it costs too much to love."
~Paper Bag by Fiona Apple
I've been asking myself what this eating disorder is costing me, and though I don't want to admit that it affects my relationships with people, it does. It is the barrier that I put between myself and the people that I care most about. I think that if I don't fully engage, I won't get hurt when I'm left behind, but the truth is that I make people go away.
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7 Comments:
It is one of the hardest things to face such moments of deepest truth and reality. Well, done. Even more though as you allow me / us to bear witness here. That is a huge step. Hold this epiphany close and careful. Love from my heart to yours.
*Sigh* I'm finding it hard to recover from my eating disorder, but I know that it keeps me from my goals. Sometimes, it pushes me forward and other times I don't care.
I feel like I understand your discovery about your behavior that pushes people away...that is the hard truth that I am learning now.
Keep up the hard work and be good to yourself.
take care,
CC
You do not make them go away. It is the pain that you hold onto that allows you to push people away. People can only be pushed so much and then they decide to walk away. It is not just you nor is it all your fault. People make their own decisions to do what they do.
Superman
You continue to try to get better. I guess that is all we can do. Those that truly love us will stay by our sides, even if sometimes we try to push them away.
All I can say is hang in there.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now, Angie, and I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad. I just want you to know that I'm still here and I won't leave you <3
All my love <3
Nicole
ED hurts relationships-- without a doubt. it takes you away from the ones you want most, out of jealousy. get mad. fight ED. take him down.
have a great night
bec xo
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