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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Rollercoaster

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Someone commented on my last blog post and said, "What a rollercoaster ride." I suppose it does seem like I'm up and down a lot, but I'm tired of worrying about when I'm going to be down again. I need to be living in the moment, so that is what I'm going to do. It is nice not to dread getting up in the morning and facing the day. I'm feeling good, and have more energy since I've been eating. That's not a surprise, but the voice of an eating disorder often has other things to say! That voice has been quiet for a week now, and it feels so peaceful in my head. I think the hunger caused me to be more anxious than I realized. Last night I ate dinner with my husband, and he actually thanked me for eating with him. I also didn't realize how my not eating affected my family. It kept me separate and isolated from them, and that is not what I want. My therapist and nutritionist want me to sit at the table with everyone even if I can't eat, and that takes a lot of pressure off me. So far, I've been doing better. Being kind and understanding to myself feels a bit strange, but I think that I can get used to it :)

6 Comments:

Just Be Real said...

Some self realization here. Appreciate you sharing Angela. Blessings.

Wanda's Wings said...

Way to go!!! I'm really proud of you!

Nicole said...

I'm honored to be your friend <3

My life and my recovery often feel like a rollercoaster ride as well. But you're right, it's best to try and appreciate the moment we are in right now instead of always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm working on this too :)

I'm glad to know that you have found some peace this week and I am so proud of you for how hard you are working. Here's to brighter days ahead :)

<3<3<3
Nicole

I Hate to Weight said...

yes, absolutely best to enjoy the good moments. i have trouble doing that sometimes. i'm always dreading the future.

you said it so well. i'm going to remember it.

it's hard for me to accept that i feel better when i do eat. but it's important to know and remember. thanks, for reminding me

take good care

Paula said...

Hehe, self awareness! You go girl!

VICKI IN AZ said...

This is so insightful. I am glad you can be kind to yourself.