Friday, November 12, 2010



Couples therapy went fairly well I think. I was so anxious during the session though, that I'm not sure that I comprehended all that was said. I kept on feeling myself drifting away, and at one point my therapist had to say, "Angie, eyes on me." I had to force myself to tune in. It wasn't that I felt ganged up on or anything. It's just that we talked about ways in which my past affects my life now, and how it impacts on my lack of communication skills. My husband also isn't the best communicator, so we often tend to be disconnected from each other. I have to be honest in that I'm afraid to change what I'm doing. Our therapists talked about exposure therapy, and that I would have to force myself to ask for what I need. I'm afraid that if I ask, I won't get it, or that I'm asking for too much. I feel like I should be able to handle things on my own without help. The thought of continually asking for help or communicating that I'm struggling actually terrifies me, but I will try. A friend pointed out that I write about my stuggles where everyone can read them, which is true, but somehow voicing them out loud feels totally different. He suggested that I write to Dave or send him an e-mail, which is a really good idea. At least that may be a way for me to get started.
My week has been okay. I'm not getting hit quite as much, so that has been nice. It is much better than last week, so I'm not so nervous about going to work. I'm looking forward to the weekend. We are going to spend some time with friends that we haven't gotten together with in awhile, and Saturday is my youngest sons birthday. He will turn fourteen, which just amazes me. Their childhood years have just flown by. It makes me a bit sad, but proud of who they are becoming. I love the conversations that I have with them, and they are so fun to be around.
Well, that is all for now. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!


Miss Sara said...

Just out of curiosity... Is your husband REALLY ok w/ you blogging all of the details that you do, including those that are of him?

I blog a lof of personal things, but I wouldn't want someone else to be blogging ABOUT me.

Ann said...

glad to hear your couples therapy went well.
Happy birthday to your son

Angela said...

I don't think that I blog any details about him that are too personal, just general struggles, but yes, sometimes he wishes that I didn't divulge so many details about myself. I try to steer clear of personal details about my kids.

Wanda's Wings said...

Some times are feeling are so linked to another person, we almost have to include a few details. I think that is OK as long as we stay safe. I know how hard it can be to sometimes stay focused in a group setting. The last several months I have seen so much growth in how you are handling your eat disorder. I very proud of you Angela. You are right about our children it is such a mixed blessing to see them growing up and it happens so quickly too!

Nicole said...

I'm happy that you have had a better week and I'm glad that you went to couple's therapy even though you were feeling anxious.

You and I are so very similar. I tend to drift and shut down as well. I also prefer to just handle everything on my own and have a hard time asking for anything out of fear that I will appear needy or burden others. It's important for us to know, though, that the people around us love and care about us and will help us if we reach out to them. Still, it is so difficult to ask.

And thank you so much for being such a good friend to me <3 I know I've been quiet lately, but I promise I'll be around again soon. You are always in my thoughts too, and I want you to know that I am so fortunate to have you in my life.

All my love <3<3<3