Although I feel calmer than I have in awhile, I've still been struggling with food. Part of the problem is that I have zero appetite. This morning my husband reminded me to grab a protein bar, and also pointed out that I didn't eat dinner last night. Honestly dinner slipped my mind, because I wasn't at all hungry, and then I fell asleep before everyone else ate. My husband has been great about fixing dinner for everyone because I've been so tired when I get home lately. Those busy little kindergarteners wear me out in the afternoon. It is hard when my appetite doesn't cue me to eat. I know that sticking with a meal plan would help me to stay on track, but the meal plan that my nutritionist would like me to follow seems like too much food to eat, especially every day. I know that is probably a cop out, but I'm so afraid that I will gain weight if I eat that much. I think that I just can't eat as much as everyone else does. I'm not unhappy with my weight the way it is, or at least not terribly unhappy, but I would definitely not like to see it go up! If anyone has some suggestions for me, feel free to leave me a comment. I would like to be able to challenge these thoughts.
I saw my psychiatrist last week, and she gave me a new prescription for my anxiety, and it also is helping me to sleep better. I think it is helping the racing thoughts which tend to wake me up and keep me from sleeping.
Tomorrow Dave and I have a couples therapy session, which I hate. I know that they help, but I hate them just the same. I get so anxious beforehand, and that is probably because I feel like I may get attacked, or like everyone is going to say that I'm in the wrong. I don't like to be called out on behaviors such as not eating, but I understand why I have to be confronted. I always feel like I'm the problem, and that everyone wants to fix me. Ultimately I'm the one who has to want to fix myself, and I do. I tend to dig in my heels when pushed to change. My mom always said that I could be very stubborn:) Anyway...that is all for now. I hope that everyone is having a great start to their week.
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5 Comments:
I hope your anxiety medication works. It just make everything more difficult if you can rest. I hope you regain a little of your appetite back.
When it comes to food the best thing you can do is just eat at as close to the same time everyday. Whether you are hungry or not. Set an alarm if you have to to remind yourself. Sometimes that is all you can do. But if you start eating consistently at proper times and in proper amounts your hunger will come back. It may be months-or ever a few years-but it will come back. You just have to learn to eat all over again.
I think you need to listen to what the professionals are telling you. There is a reason why they are so good at their job. They are not the ones that are sick. They are the ones that are helping the sick get healthy. If what YOU were choosing to do was the right thing you wouldn't be so afraid, unhappy, tired, weak, paranoid and sad. So my challenge to you is, decide which side of life you want to be on and then accept it and go on. You can be healthy and happy and strong. Or you can continue on this path and be weak and sad and afraid all of the time. It's your life so just live it however you want and don't make excuses or force a circle inside of a square. Quit fighting so hard against what you apparently want to do, where you apparently are your most comfortable, and where you apparently want to be. Decide where that is and accept it. There in lies the challenge.
wish I had some suggestions on meal plans for you but I've got nothing. I'm not the healthiest eater to begin with so giving advice to someone else wouldn't be right :)
Oh Angela,
I have been away such a long time. I thought of you often and have missed you.
I won't lie to you though. These past few months have been very hard for me too.
I would say I basically had a small nervous breakdown when I left my blog almost a year ago.
My anxiety is also getting worse. My DR. had hopes and thought that mine would not worsen but it did.
I was an absolute wreck today just going to Wal-Mart!! I had to take an extra pill. I am allowed 1 extra if I am going into panic mode.
I too am now on more medication. I had to go back on medication for insomnia.
I wish it was as easy as anonymous says. I have been under a DR.'S care for 11 years now and I do listen. I do what he says. But, still I have chronic anxiety and the panic attacks happen.
Some of mine is of course due to trauma. But, I also wish people would understand their is also a valid physiological difference within people's brains who struggle with mental illness.
Why must we be labeled as weak and shunned. We are dealing with real physical health problems just as much as anyone with any illness. We can't just wish it away.
Trust me, I know you will understand and know this to be true, if we could just wish it away then mine would have been gone a long time ago.
I have wished and prayed for my anxiety and other problems to go away almost on a daily basis. But, they don't.
My family has a history of mental disorders and as you very well know these things are genetic an do run in families.
Oh my I apologize for going on and on. I have missed you so so much. I do so hope the meeting was positive and didn't cause you too much anxiety!!
I am just so glad you dropped in. I have you in my blog roll and was planning to get by. I just came back this week and catching up is proving to be quite the job.
Wow, I better close before I have a book written. I hope you have a good night!!
Big big hugs,
Jackie:-))))
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