Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Days Like This


I know that there are going to be days like this...days when I feel let down and disappointed, and days when I'm deeply sad. Today I feel out of control with my own emotions, and when that happens, my default is to reach for the eating disorder. I need to distract my mind from what is painful, and I don't know anything else that works as well. I know that I'm supposed to sit with the feelings, but I can't, I just can't today. I'm not going to cry over this or allow myself to be hurt. How many times do I keep trying? I know that if I allow myself one day to give in to the eating disorder, I will allow another, and then another. It is only one day. I will allow myself dinner, and tomorrow will be better. I can make it different. I cannot let other people or circumstances affect my recovery. I do know that I need to guard my heart better than I've been doing. I think if anything, I've learned a lesson. Some things are better left inside.


Wanda's Wings said...

It is always risky to let out any emotions. I do believe it is the only way to heal. Very painful. I just don't know another way. I could be totally wrong. It's not like I have my act together.

Ann said...

just stay strong Angela and you will make it through

Flannery said...

This is exactly where I'm at today, too. Keep strong.

Lisa said...

You've been so strong- hang in there

I know I've said this before- but your writing is beautiful


Anonymous said...

Choose happiness. Every day choose happiness.

Paula said...

Chanign the default setting isnt easy particularly not by system overload!!! I am still in the process of changing the default and know how hard it is. You have achieved so much during this year and kindness and compassion for yourself needs now to be remembered. Love form my heart to yours.

Blue Butterfly said...

I would like to string the person who hurt you upside down. I've been in similar situations before: wearing one's heart on your sleeves is almost always an invitation for someone to trample on it.

You don't have to face your feelings today. Distract yourself with something else. Art, music, books, a long walk, or even the television if you have to. There will be time to sort through your emotions and unwind them later.

*big hug*