Never

“In spite of language, in spite of intelligence and intuition and sympathy, one can never really communicate anything to anybody. The essential substance of every thought and feeling remains incommunicable, locked up in the impenetrable strong-room of the individual soul and body. Our life is a sentence of perpetual solitary confinement.” ~ Aldous Huxley

There is deep within, a depth of despair that I cannot seem to find the words for… that I seem unable, or maybe it is unwilling to express. In desperation, I reach into my own silence, and I’m drowning inside. I tell myself that no one understands how empty and stolen I feel, as if my soul has been ripped away, and can never be repaired. Never is such a child’s word. Never is eternity, an endless chasm in which I’ve fallen. I don’t remember asking you to promise that you would never leave. “Never ever,” I said, like a little girl, but promises are also for children, and you can’t, you reply. I’m embarrassed by your memory, because mine skips time when I’m afraid. I thought that I was reaching out, but really, all that I’m asking is for you to give up…to let me go.