Friday, April 22, 2011

In Control Of My Recovery


Hands lifted open to receive, or hands facing down to ground yourself. I learned this yesterday in yoga, and almost cried. How simply beautiful it is to sit in silence and choose what your needs are in the moment. Do you need to receive love, opening your heart, or do you need to ground yourself to this world with your presence in the now. Our needs are ever changing. I have to make an effort everyday not to split myself into two different selves, and not to separate myself from pain. I awoke early this morning from a nightmare, and would drift in and out of sleep with painful memories flashing in my mind. I had to drag myself out of bed, not wanting to face the day, or myself. I thought about what I could do to ground myself, and actually sat crossed legged, in the middle of my bathroom floor, palms facing down, and began to slowly inhale and exhale, focusing on emptying my mind. It is the first time that I have used my yoga practice outside of class, and it actually worked! It was very empowering to be able to meet my own needs, and now I feel confident that I can make it through today without a panic attack or dissociative episode. I don't think I've ever felt like I was truly in control of my recovery before now. When I left my nutritionist last night, she said, "You are doing good," and I said, "It feels strange!" I think I can get used to it:)


Wanda's Wings said...

Great control. You will get use to it.

Just me said...

This is amazing, I'm so happy for you!

And I actually felt peaceful just reading this - thanks!

Sia Jane said...

You know dolly, I got scared we had lost you for a wee while back then.
That isn't because I didn't believe in you, it is because I am only getting to know you and I just thought, please find it in you.
And somehow, some way, you have.
You are truly amazing and for what it is worth, I am SO proud of you xxxx

Anonymous said...

I never have looked at things this way. Wow, I really could have used it today. Thank you for sharing this with us. Someday I will be where you are now:)

Haley said...

I am so proud of you. :) It looks like yoga is doing you well!
Just remember to keep fighting. Recovery is a long process. You'll get there, though. And life will never be the same. It will be SO much better. <3