Friday, June 17, 2011

There Will Be An End


I'm finished with the dark of my bedroom where the red glow of the alarm clock taunts me with the time. I didn't sleep the night before either. He is gone, and sleeping alone feels empty and strange. I fill the coffee maker with water, emptying the grounds from the night before into the trash can, and wait to hear the gurgle and beep so that I can pour a cup. I hear the television blaring from the the basement, letting me know that the boys are still awake, which makes me feel less alone. They are watching American Pie, and their laughter comforts me, so I carefully carry my coffee down the stairs. I have an In Style magazine, so I prop myself on the couch, turning the glossy pages, although I'm restless. I decide to get on the computer to type out these words. Writing cures the boredom because I don't really want to think about my therapy session the day before. I'm afraid to process the feelings. I cried, which I rarely do, and afterward I didn't feel any better. It wasn't hard enough to make a difference because I pushed my fists into my eyes to make it stop. Behind the tears are feelings that I can't name. Looking at my therapist, she has questions in her gaze, and they are questions that I have no answers for. I could say that I'm sad or angry just to say something because the silence in the room is audible. My session ends, and sometimes I feel as if I'm running out of time. I want there to be an end.

Yesterday a co-worker told me that she had been reading my blog, and for a moment I could hear her painful silence. She bravely told me that her brother had sexually abused her for years, and she had never told anyone. She was able to break her silence, and it was in that moment that I knew my journey of healing was actually helping others. I do believe that the pain will eventually end when the truth is set free, and that hope is what pushes me forward. There will be an end.


Just me said...

There will. Big hugs x x

Just me said...

And thank you for the wonderful comment you left on my blog, and all those in the past too. You always know just what to say! :) x

Missing In Sight said...

You've helped more than your co-worker break her silence. Your courage is infectious. Keep writing. I'll keep reading.

Sending safe hugs if you'll accept them.

battleinmind said...

So true lovely, there will be. Sorry you had a tough therapy session :( and it's so great you're helping your coworkers.

I Hate to Weight said...

you are very inspirational to me. you don't give up.

Sia Jane said...

Angela {{{hugs}}}
You will get through this, as will your friend xxxxx

Eve said...

You my dear beautiful woman, are wonderful! You write with such ease and poetry. I love reading your posts. I look forward to them. And I am so happy for your co-worker stepping forward into the truth. We must continue. One day at a time!
Thank you for the work you are doing. I love you.