Wednesday, August 10, 2011


I'm sad today, and like yesterday, everything feels like a great effort. I did go to yoga in the afternoon yesterday, but after I came home, I slept curled up in a fetal position, only coming up to eat dinner, in a daze, and ravenous with hunger. My husband woke me up to go to bed where I immediately fell back to sleep, mometarily waking all of a sudden feeling afraid before I would drift off again to escape. I have been off of my medication for about a week.Every once in awhile I feel like I'm better and don't need it. I also worry about the cost because we are tight on money with the boys going back to school. I'm back on, and I know that I will feel better soon. I have therapy today. I have something I want to tell her...something that I feel ashamed about concerning the rape. I want to write it explain, but I just can't make myself. I really don't know if I will be brave enough to tell her, but the need to is there. I want to be over it, and maybe one day it will only be a sad memory that doesn't knock me off balance everyday of my life.


Anonymous said...

After all this time, if there are still things you have not shared with your therapist or tried to deal with, you are holding yourself back from healing and full recovery. You can't hold onto anything that makes you feel ashamed or you will never get to the place you want to be.

Wanda's Wings said...

I hope you will be able to share with your therapist your secrets. You are beginning to heal and need to get everything out.

Sairs said...

You know what I do when I have something to say and I am really scared? I write it down and give it to them and ask them to please not read it out loud. Then we talk about it. I find this so helpful for me. I don't know, it may not help you. I am cheering along for you, I know it's hard and it hurts but once it's out, you will feel relief. Be gentle with yourself :)

Anonymous said...

I can understand this today and I feel sad for you. You tell me too just tell so you can move forward, That applies too YOU also :) :) Let me know how you are. I do care

Eve said...

Let it out friend! You are loved and accepted!