A New Realization

Saturday I saw my psychiatrist for the standard 15 minute visit. I told her about my current anxiety over driving, and the feeling that something bad in general is going to happen to me. The driving is manageable, or at least it is not keeping me from doing what I need to do, but I'm so jumpy behind the wheel, which is not a good feeling. She prescribed me another new anti-anxiety med which isn't addictive. She said it is what actors take for stage fright. I haven't picked it up from the pharmacy yet. I'm not thrilled about taking something else, but I will try it. Other than that, I think I'm doing fairly well. For the most part, I'm eating and taking care of myself. It is funny that I'm worried about my well being and safety, when for so long, I could have cared less about myself, so maybe in some ways it is good that I don't want to be killed in a car accident! I have to try to look at these things in a positive light, otherwise I would go crazy trying to figure it all out. I know that I'm doing what I can to heal, and although in many ways the pain is so raw and real, I know that it is important to be feeling. I know that I'm alive, I have survived, and can move on and tackle whatever comes my way. There is newfound strength in that realization.