Monday, October 10, 2011

Open Up The Doors

Is it too soon to say that I think I'm recovered? Probably, but I've been eating consistently for about a month. The whole body image thing still sucks, but my nutritionist says that is the last to go. I look, I criticize, and the feeling of taking up too much space can be overwhelming at times. What other people tell me they see is so confusing in my mind. The whole preoccupation with weight is something that occurs daily. It is a constant topic of conversation among my co-workers. Even the one male we have in the classroom talks about it because he used to be 100 lbs. overweight. Still, we have a candy jar in our room. I think in terms of good foods and bad foods, but I eat what my family eats, which isn't always what I feel safe eating. If I was left to my own devices, I would probably exist on protein bars, and yogurt. Sometimes when I add up in my head all that I've consumed in a day, I panic, so I do know that I still have more work to do. I know that I say all of the time how much yoga has changed me, and really I can't even explain it, but it inspires me to be better, to try harder, and to keep reaching. It is the one time of the day when my mind is totally clear, and the thoughts slow down. When I have something that I'm passionate about, I feel alive, and it renews my passion for other things in my life. Today I don't want to talk about pain. For today, I have let it go.


Just me said...

The end of this is so lovely - from the way you talk about yoga it's so clear how much of an impact it's having and how much it's helping you to heal. That is so great! :)

John Buchanan said...

Well done for letting it go. It is one of the hardest things to do.

I was told to talk my friends and ask them not to ask how I was doing (in terms of pain) or prompt me to mention pain. Having done this, I was back in control of it.

If I wanted to talk about pain it was up to me to broach the subject and having discussed it with my friends they knew if I was talking about it I was asking for them to listen and if required help, but only if asked.

Friends and Family really appreciated this as they then knew that they did not need to wonder or worry or feel guilty for not offering - in short it took the pressure out of relationships.

I think the one thing to remember is that sufferers and their supporters usually struggle with very similar issues. Good Communication is essential.

Eve said...

This is so wonderful Angela. Thank you for the encouragement. When you said how you talked about not wanting to take up you were saying, you didn't want to be alive.....ick, I hope that changes bc you are so precious and loved.
much love and respect,

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful! I really need it!