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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Overwhelmed...


I have a broken pinky finger from blocking myself from getting hit in the face Tuesday at work. I don't think that I will be working with that student anymore unless some changes are made to his plan. The whole situation is so frustrating. I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I know that a lot of you will also say that I brought this on myself. I should have left sooner...I stayed home from work altogether today, which is more a mental health break than anything.
I also have a family thing going on, which is making me very emotional. I avoid talking much about my kids here to protect their privacy, but I have an 18 yr. old with autism, and he is going through a huge transition in his life which I don't think we were very prepared to deal with, and now it is staring us in the face. We have tried to let him be independent, but are realizing that he is going to need more help and assistance. He is struggling to find a job, and we haven't even taught him how to drive yet, because we don't think he is ready for the responsibility that would require. I filled out an on-line application for vocational rehabilitation services through the state. He has made such gains, and when he was 4 yrs. old, and non verbal, I never thought he would be as high functioning as he is, so I am very grateful for how far he has come, but maybe I was in some denial about how much help he would need as an adult with a disability. He was arrested last month for possession of marijuana, and his choice of friends is more than questionable. He wants so much to belong, and I think he is self medicating with the drugs. Monday, Dave and I are going with him to meet with his therapist. I wish we would have been more proactive, so I'm beating up on myself a bit. He has been pulling out the hair on his arms due to stress, so we increased his anti-depressant. Life feels overwhelming right now. I also can't do yoga with a broken finger, and that really pisses me off! Whine, whine, whine!!! Well, that is enough for now. If you made it to the end of this post, thanks for reading:)

4 Comments:

Wanda's Wings said...

You got a lot going on right now. I understand what it's like to have a special needs child and can understand what you are going through. Hang in there and remember to take care of yourself during this stressful time.

Anonymous said...

I so understand. My son not only has Autism he is also dealing with much more. We should really get together on this,we could help eachother out. {{{ HUGS}}}

Ruth said...

I hear you on that....my kids drive me crazy sometimes, 20 y.o. with a mental capacity half her age and 16 y.o. ADHD/Asperger's. We actually had to call the police last night, DD freaked out (over a broken school binder, would you believe), broke our kitchen door and tried to hit me. DS and I are going away for a few days next week, on the one hand I feel like I can't wait to get away but on the other I'm kind of nervous about leaving DD here with my elderly parents. I just keep reminding myself, this time next week we'll be in Florida. :-)

Sia Jane said...

I can imagine it feels overwhelming Angela <3
And I know it is hard when we feel we should know better, or have done more.
You are amazing and please never forget that <3