Saturday, December 10, 2011

A Beautiful Journey

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." ~Anna Quindlen

When you are trying so hard to be the person that you think everyone wants you to be, it is difficult to separate that from who you really are. It is a lot of work to become yourself, and the discovery can be both exciting, and rather frightening. I spent so much of my life wearing a smiling mask, being the good girl, the quiet and complacent girl who would never make waves. That is still part of who I am at times, but I can use my voice. I'm no longer drowning in the fear. I'm not as afraid to ask for what I want, and can acknowledge that I have needs. I don't beat up on myself near as much as I used to, and I find myself challenging the negative self talk more often than not. The beliefs about ourselves that we form when we are young are so often what we carry with us into adulthood, and it is difficult to let go of those beliefs. I internalized everything, blaming myself for things that I never had any control over in the first place. The thoughts of a child are so simple, and I wanted everyone around me to be happy, and I thought if I could be good and perfect, I could make that happen. I'm realizing that I'm not responsible for the happiness of others. I'm only responsible for my own. My job is to be the best me that I can be. We all have gifts and strengths, but those often get buried in self doubt, and we focus on our weaknesses. I'm trying to embrace my soul and the truth of who I am, accepting my flaws, changing and learning everyday. Life is a beautiful journey if we choose to look at it that way.


Paul Sunstone said...

Trying to be what others think you should be is certainly a trap -- and also one of the more popular traps. I guess that's because we're a social animal.

John Buchanan said...

Another exceptional post, thank you.
I find the hard part is to be the me I want to be. Unfortunately that is not wholly possible for me. What I am learning is I have to be the best me I can be and make the most of what I have and not dwell on what I've lost.
The problem is the things I can do (like writing) are not things I like doing, and the things I like to do, the things that I associate as being me, are no longer possible.
I hope that the day I learn how to redefine myself might also be the day that I stop praying for my life to end.