I walked into the kitchen, seeing the plate of grilled hamburgers on the counter as I walked into the room. I was hungry, and hadn't eaten much all day, which was no excuse for ripping off a piece of the meat and stuffing it into my mouth. My husband walked into the kitchen at the same time, so I flung the meat back onto the plate, hoping that he hadn't seen that I was eating. As I read this back to myself I see the words "no excuse," as if I need to have a reason for eating. I know that realistically, I don't, and yet, that is always how I feel. I feel such shame for needing to eat. I'm doing better. I eat in restaurants, I order food for myself, I eat in front of people, but there are also so many times when I feel ashamed by the act of eating. I'm still trying to figure out where this shame comes from. If I could figure it out, I think I would be so much closer to healing. As always, I can tell myself that it is okay, and that I deserve food, but believing it is another thing entirely. I told my nutritionist about the whole incident today when we had our session, but I don't feel like she had much insight. I want an answer. I want to fix it...to not feel this way.