My Saviour

My Saviour

Your silence weighs heavy

I've done something wrong

I quietly contemplate your words

Living my whole life in silences

I understand the oceans we create

I have always been the enemy
My own...

The tearing open of my heart

and each and every memory

coming to the surface is met with shame

I would tell you

but you would never see me

in the way that I need

In your eyes I can believe in who I am

who I've made you believe

Who would you be to judge?

Who is anyone, really?

We all hide behind our masks

Strangers with empty words and promises

It is the strangeness that I see in myself

I can hold you at a distance

drowning,

losing the will to fly

My dreams of flying without chains

what binds me are the shackles

that I've tied to myself

My choice to stay is always mine

It is my saviour in the world I fear

The shadows standing in the doorway

haunting the safety I try to feel in your arms

I ask for permission

to be here, for your love

The ambivalence of existing

in the heaviness of my skin

Will these words be lost

my voice a whisper

going unheard...

Angela Minard 2012©