Artwork by~ Christian Schloe
I’m not feeling good about my body, or good inside of my body, and I’m trying to figure out a way to feel better without jumping to the conclusion that if I lost a few pounds, or did a cleanse, or some other disordered behavior, I would find some peace with myself. I ask myself, "What are you attempting to distract yourself from?" At the moment, I do not have an answer, so all I can do is sit with the question, and wait with patience for the answer to present itself in time. I know with certainty at this point in my recovery, that it may "feel" like it is about my weight, but that is the eating disorder rearing its ugly head, and not my own very wise voice. I want to claw at my skin, and erase what feels ugly, and I’m sad that I still struggle with this at times.
Today I will search for compassion, and simply be kind.