Monday, August 25, 2014
I let all of my thoughts and feelings ruminate in my mind, turning them over and around, examining them in such great detail, that I often lose sight of the big picture. Not only do I do this with my own thoughts and feelings, but I also do it with the words and actions of other people, misinterpreting and twisting things so as to feel as badly as I can possibly feel about myself.
Maybe if I allow myself to believe that I'm nothing special, I can excuse myself from all of this hard work...
Am I that lazy?
Yes, sometimes, perhaps...
I know that I'm cared for by the way that it is shown, and that really is what matters. I make things more complicated than they need to be. I do such a good job of breaking my own heart before anyone else gets a chance, barely even realizing that I'm the one shooting arrows.
I say "barely" because I am becoming aware that this is what I do. Maybe I use it as an excuse to disconnect, but now it hurts too much to continue stumbling down a path that is causing me to suffer.
I'm tired of being my own worst enemy. It is getting old, it is getting boring, and I have more important things to do with my life than to continue beating up on myself.
"When you've seen beyond yourself,
then you may find peace of mind is waiting there.
And the time will come when you will see that we are all one.
And life flows on within you and without you."
Photograph by Jim Sincock~Letting Go 2012