THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Deserving Pain



I have been in pain for weeks, clenching my jaw through yoga practices, and doing the opposite of what I tell my students to do, which is to listen to and honor their bodies. It isn't the first time I have pushed through pain. Emotionally and physically, it is how I lived for a very long time. Although recovered from anorexia, the toll it took on my body has left my bones and joints weak from osteoporosis. I developed osteoarthritis specifically in my hip joints, and eventually they will both need to be replaced. I manage the pain with medication, but occasionally need steroid injections to decrease the inflammation. I have been teaching a lot of classes, and physically exhausting myself. The added pain is wearing me down. I went in to see the orthopedic surgeon, and the nurse took my temperature. I had a fever of 101.8. I have no idea why. I don't have a cold or anything. I just feel exhausted. I love teaching yoga, but it is difficult when you don't feel well. I'm feeling down today because I couldn't get the injection with a fever. I started to beat myself up with negative self talk, as if the anorexia was a choice, and I brought this all on myself. I know better, but I went there for awhile. Eating disorders are mental illnesses, and not a choice. I don't deserve to be in pain, and I worked hard to get where I am today. I gave myself a pep talk, and I know it will all work itself out as long as I don't allow myself to be defeated by my own mind. Impeccable self care is needed, along with compassion and patience. All of those are a challenge for me, but I can do it! 

6 Comments:

Mishap Maven said...

Love you, Angie. :)

Misia said...

You sure can do this! Pain is very difficult and can wear one out. No wonder you are exhausted. Rest. Breathe. Relax. I'm rooting for you. I'm sorry you are in a temporary bad place.

Meghan@kspokerwife said...

I totally know where you are coming from. I'm a total blamer and most often I'm the recipient of my blame. Love and hugs to you!

John Buchanan said...

My thoughts are with you, I live with complex regional pain syndrome and I have found that a positive attitude and exercise make living with it far easier than the opiates the doctors prescribed. Stay strong, flare ups happen and they are horrible, but they also fade away. You are a strong woman and you will get through this. My prayers are with you. John

Kelly Mason said...

Rest up and get better! Although I sure do miss you.

ghost girl said...

I often wonder if my chronic body pain is due to anorexia though i have been recovered for a while. I was AN for most of adolescence. Finally I had to just give up the thought pattern but it really doesn't matter. I didn't do it on purpose and what is done is done. I have to work with the body I have now. I am glad you were able to give yourself a pep talk. Those words are true. I wish you peace and strength to cope with the pain. <3