One Spring

The air was thick
with the promise
of lilacs and rain
that evening
and the clouds hovered
about my shoulders
like the mink
stole from my mother's closet.
I tried on from time to time.
I was sixteen and I knew it.
I tossed my head
like a proud pony,
My hair rippling down my back
in one golden wave
as I walked down
the sultry street.
My bare feet barely
touching the ground.
Past the sounds
of a television,
A dog barking,
A mother calling her child,
My body,
slicing through the heavy air
like a sailboat
gliding on lazy water.

When the blue car
slowed alongside me
I took no notice
Until two faces
leaned out the open window.
"Nice tits you got there ,honey."
"Hey sweetheart,
shine those headlights over here."
"Wanna go for a ride?"
I stopped,
Dazed as a fish thrust out of water
Into sunlight so bright it burns my eyes.
I turn and walk away fast
Head down, arms folded,
Feet slapping the ground.
I hear "Nice ass too."
Then laughter
The screech of tires
And silence.


All at once I am ashamed
of my new breasts
Round as may apples,
I want to slice them off
with a knife
Sharp as a guillotine.
All at once I am mortified
by my widening hips,
I want to pare them down
with a vegetable peeler
Until they are slim and boyish
All at once
I want to yank out my hair
by the roots
Like persistent weeds
that must not grow wild
But I am a sensible girl
I do none of these things

Instead I go home,
watch tv with my parents.
Brush my teeth
and braid my hair for the night
And the next day
I skip breakfast
Eat only an apple for lunch
And buy a calorie counter
Vowing to get thinner and thinner
Until I am so slim that I can slip
through the cracks in the sidewalk
and disappear. and I do.

By Leslea Newman